The illusion of communication is the assumption that because something has been spoken in the same language as those that receive it, it has been accomplished. So at least when my oversized puppy doesn’t follow the instructions I give him, I can rationalize that it’s because we don’t speak the same language. But, over time, as he grows from the tiny pup that fit into my hand, to a full-sized dog (even if he still thinks he’s that tiny, apricot-coloured ball of fur), despite that hindrance, our communication has improved. As I continue to use the same commands and directions, he gets used to them and associates them with particular outcomes. Some of those outcomes are positive, like getting awarded a treat, praise, or affection, while others are not. But more importantly what has been a part of the development of accurate, accomplished communication has been the tone of the communication. As most dog people can attest, he has learned to recognize tone, annunciation and volume as just as important, if not possibly more, than the actual words used with them. A loud, quickly or sharply annunciated direction, he has come to understand, means he needs to stop what he is doing. A more quiet, softly annunciated message usually means he has done something right and is now receiving praise. As a puppy he is not always going to get the latter tone. He is going to make mistakes, lose focus or control at times and have to be reigned back in. If any person did the same, we would just say “they’re only human”. He recovers quickly from those moments when he has had to be reminded why following direction is important. That’s partly because dogs only know how to love, so they assume, unless conditioned otherwise, that they are always loved and whatever brought about a less amicable tone has or will pass. But another part of how quickly dogs are able to recover is because they intrinsically have the humility to accept direction without their ego getting in the way. The fruit of that humility having been proven over time as the communication process has been developed. So when it comes to coaching developing players, who often do carry an ego with them, communicating the meaning of particular communication is vital for player and team development.
As I explained in Message and Tone, for a number of years now I have made it an explicit practice to explain my communication to players. At a time in history, when almost anything you want to know can be found within seconds, players want and need information. They want to understand the why of things. Authority or trust is no longer granted based on status or position; it’s granted based on rational logic. Not even direct experience holds the same weight of authority, or endows the same trust, that it should or used to. So as we develop as a singular unit over the season I make sure to explain my communication. I tell them that if my tone gets raised, and my speech quickens, that primarily I am communicating that a sense of urgency for the instructions given is missing. If my tone is slower, and my volume is lower, then we are on the right track, and I am afforded the space to give directions to lead us forward. One reflects an emotional state, the other a more intellectual, technical state. But the first priority, naturally, is making sure the emotional state is what it needs to be. If we don’t play with enough intensity then the technical side won’t matter. Once the emotional side is taken care of, which can be seen through effort – diving for loose balls, getting on the glass, the speed at which we move, etc… then we can start to give shape and direction to our motions. The cart does not come before the horse. Conflict arises when a player or coach isn’t humble enough to put their ego aside to overcome the hurdles they face.
You can often tell in the first moments of an interaction if you’re speaking to a player that is open to receiving a message or if they’re stuck in their ego. If they’re stuck in their ego, then they can’t accept the information given. They’ll wall up and defend their actions, sometimes even before you say anything. At that point, it doesn’t matter how valuable what you have to say is, it won’t be communicated effectively. That may mean changing the way the message is being given. Instead of a softer, more technical approach, a coach may have to raise their volume and tone, to help the player snap out of their ego. For many coaches, that in itself can be difficult because being a loud tyrant, or being perceived as an angry coach, may not sit well with their own ego. But not every player can be reached the same way and a good coach will keep their ego at bay to attempt to bring out the best in their players or team. Keeping our egos at bay is vital to effective, forward development in anything. Only when we’re able to can we then communicate in a way that keeps us putting one foot, or paw, in front of the other.